DeadpanAnn (old blogger version)

I fried some chicken tonight. Mmm mmm GOOD.

We have two working toilets now, at a total cost of over $500. &%*T!

I'm pretty sure that not a single one of the students in my 7th period class has a chance of staying out of prison. I'm DEFINITELY sure that I won't shed a tear when they leave for the summer, but I will shed tears if any of them are in my class next year for 8th grade.

My boss is a micro manager.

Please, dear Lord, please let them hire Cool Assistant Principal to replace Micro Manager Principal next year. Please.

If we don't make hotel reservations soon, our San Francisco trip isn't going to happen.

Last night in the "travel" section of Books a Million, Tim almost backed out of San Fran after he read that the big event in June is a gay festival, and that mimes are out in full force in June.

I do agree that both are major negatives.

I wonder if the mimes are gay.

Tim wants to buy a new dining room set before this weekend. We recently bought a bedroom suite, a toilet, and some other pricey stuff, plus Tim's second job is over after May, so this relaxed spending surprises me. We usually try to stop the bleeding after such financial hemorrhaging.

Could Tim be working for the mafia or something?

Maybe he's nesting.

I hope the baby's okay. It sucks not being able to feel it or have anything to reassure you. I'm just sorta taking a guy's word that everything's okay.

I ordered one of those doppler things so I can listen to the heartbeat. I know, I know. Waste of money, blah blah blah. Do you think the doppler waves or whatever will screw the baby up? Even if I do it forty times a day?

We should sell the pool table and make this room into a playroom.

We had a buyer for the hot tub, but couldn't figure out how to make a 35 inch high hot tub fit through a 32 inch wide door.

Any hillbilly husband out there want another hot tub and know how to fit one through a small space?

How about a pool table? Hmm? Any takers?

Surely he's just nesting.

I hope the baby's okay.

Labels: family, I am not a hypochondriac, married life, random thought whenever, this house is trying to kill me

There are two bathrooms in our house, and both have toilet issues right now. The porcelain base broke on the toilet in the master bathroom. I'm not saying how that happened, but let's just say someone likes to listen to his ipod while he does his business and I guess he got rockin' a little too much. (I kid. I have no idea how it got broken but I'm pretty sure it wasn't because Tim was rockin' and poopin' simultaneously.)

The other toilet has general toilet maintenance issues. You know how the bastards are. Everything's going fine, then one day you notice it takes it fifteen minutes to fill up. The jiggle-the-handle technique works for a few months, then loses its effectiveness. After that, it not only takes a long time to fill, but it makes a high-pitched squealing sound for the last 30 seconds of the filling process. Our response to that was not to fix it. Heavens no. We just stopped flushing it at night so as not to wake one another with the squealing. When the squealing got even worse, we didn't flush it in the day very often. Unflushed toilets are a MAJOR pet peeve of mine, so this was bad enough, but the squealing sound...God I just couldn't take the squealing sound, so I occasionally neglected to flush. I confess. Well one day a friend came over and immediately rushed back to the bathroom, and I was mortified to think of how much old piss might have been in there. My friend didn't say anything, but I couldn't look her in the eye after that. That's when I decided to fix the toilet.

After carefully observing the toilet's innards for a few flushes, I thought I had it figured out. I bought the new part and set about removing the old ones. Everything was going fine at first, but then...well...to make a long story short, I made it worse. Now the toilet doesn't squeal; it's completely unusable.

And did I mention that my parents are coming down this weekend? Lovely. The plumber is coming tomorrow to install the back toilet and hopefully fix the front toilet.

Did I also fail to mention that we still can't sleep on our brand new kick ass Sealy Posturepedic mattress? Tim is worried that if we sleep on it before they come trade the foundations on Saturday, they'll say they can't take them back because they've been used. So we're still bunking separately in the two extra bedrooms. Thankfully the new foundations will be here Saturday morning and my parents aren't coming until Saturday afternoon, so we won't have to sleep together in a too-soft queen size bed. We can leave that to the old folks.

Nineteen school days left.

Labels: this house is trying to kill me

I'm sorry, people. There's plenty going on, I suppose, but it all just seems so damn boring. Even the trip doesn't seem blog worthy right now. Imagine that. The things on my mind right now aren't that interesting. It seems like work is all I think about.

I've gotten 4 new students since returning from Christmas. That's one per day. New students have trickled in all year long, but I guess people think the new semester is a good time to make changes. You should see my gradebook! It started out as a neat alphabetical list; now it's a mess. Our student population moves around a lot. It'd be so much easier on everyone, including them, if they'd find a place to live and pay the bills long enough to stay there through a school year.

Three of the new students are guys, and the other is a mouthy little female with a tough-girl facade. I'm not sure if she needs a hug or an ass whuppin'. Yesterday I was tempted to give her the latter after she called me a bitch. I would tell you the story, but you've already heard it. Here. I'll give you the abridged version.

Student talks loudly out of turn.
Teacher gently instructs student to be quiet and that we'll talk later.
Student continues shouting.
Teacher becomes more firm, finally telling student to sit down.
Student calls teacher a bitch.
Teacher sends student on a three day vacation.

These kinds of things used to ruin my day, but now I just give them their vacation pass without missing a beat. The good thing is that this kind of stuff doesn't happen much anymore, especially with the students I've had a while. This girl just doesn't know Mrs. DeadpanAnn yet. She better recognize.

Tim's birthday was yesterday. He took off work and spent the day repairing the door to the shop. Remember this episode of Sweet Tea destruction?? A few days ago Bear and Daisy (the current mutts) finished the job by chewing all the way through the door. Once inside, they chewed the padding out of a motorcycle helmet or two (do you know what those cost, by the way?) and tore up some other not-exactly-cheap stuff.

I yelled. Not at the dogs. At Tim.

He tried to replace the door after Sweet Tea screwed it up a year ago, but couldn't find a door that would fit. You had to buy the frame and everything, and he didn't want to mess with that. After the most recent episode of Tim and Ann's Animals Hate Them was aired, I insisted that the door be replaced right away. Leave it to Tim to come up with a way to satisfy me without doing what I want. He used his new shop toys and covered the entire door with a layer of some thin piece of wood, then painted it. You can't tell.

Tim. Making things 47 to 53% less white trashy since 1973.

Labels: Musings on the Man, teacher life, this house is trying to kill me

Today's primary task was to clean our nasty house. We got a lot done, but we stopped early because we wanted to take both of the motorcycles up to our place in Covington County so I could practice riding on some empty country roads. We live at the end of a dead end road, so I'd been riding up and down our street. Unfortunately, the old hag down the road came out onto her porch to give me the evil eye, and we were afraid she was going to call the cops. My bike is insanely loud. Tim loaded it onto the trailer and I was going to pull it while he followed on his bike, but I got nervous when it started bouncing around and chickened out. Instead of going up to C.Co., Tim drove it up the highway to an empty parking lot and I followed in his car. I rode it in that parking lot for a while. Then I got up the nerve and I drove it home. It was fkn awesome. I only drove it like two miles, but it was so much fun. I can't wait to ride it again, but I'm still not legal and don't have insurance.

Remember the new oven we bought six months ago? The oven we paid $700 for after spending $100 on a used one that blew up? THIS ONE?? Well, it decided to quit working. I was going to cook a delicious meatloaf today. After waiting for about 15 minutes for the oven to preheat, I went to see why it hadn't beeped yet. It was stone cold inside the oven. It isn't heating at all. The stove top still works, so I fried the meatloaf.

I've got lesson plans to do.

Labels: this house is trying to kill me

Carpet's in. It looks pretty good. The only part we're not totally happy with is the living room.

Did I ever tell you about the living room? We have a sunken living room, and the carpet goes one foot up the wall, presumably because that's the only way to have the chair rail at the same height in that room as it is in the other rooms, or maybe because the butt ass ugly wallpaper crap the former owner put on the bottom of the wall wasn't long enough to go from chair rail to floor because of the extra foot of wall. Anyway, putting carpet a foot up the wall in sunken living rooms is apparently a common thing.

It looked okay with the old carpet, but I wanted to get rid of it and just redo the walls and everything at one time. TH said we should leave it up there for now because A) we didn't know what would be revealed when the carpet was pulled off the wall and B) we eventually want to get rid of the paneling in there and put up sheet rock.

We didn't pull the carpet off the wall because it was glued. The installers had to do it. TH said when they pulled it off, the wall underneath was nothing but boards nailed in. Boards of random shapes, sizes, and colors. It's unclear whether they're nailed on top of paneling, or what. Anyway, they just put carpet over it, but the new carpet doesn't look right like that. Okay, I realize that I'm complaining that carpet doesn't look good on the wall, but like I said, this is supposedly a fairly common practice. But apparently not all types of carpet are suitable for this. It just looks...odd. We'll get used to it.

The carpet in the rest of the house looks really good, and it's making me even more eager to get rid of the old decor on the walls. If I could get rid of the maroon and teal circa 1990 crap and get some neutral colors on the walls and a couple of nice lamps, it might start to look like grown ups live here. The living room's gonna require lots of work. It'll be a hell of a project, and even though I would like to get it done before we start procreating, I dare not press TH about it right now. He was here all day with the installers (whose lack of attention to detail undoubtedly drove him up a wall, no pun intended) and when I walked in from work, he looked like he was ready to shoot someone. Or himself. Or both. Which is not really good because the guns are all out of their usual hiding spots right now, and within sight and reach.

If we ever buy another house, which I can only hope we eventually do, I can think of a few things that I will NOT settle for.

Our next house will not have/be:

old carpet
outdated decor on the walls
wall paper of any sort
linoleum anywhere (there's linoleum in both of the bathrooms, and it sucks)
paneling
sunken living room
strange closet doors
brown trim
trim that has paint drops on it because stupid ass rednecks screwed it up
rednecks across (or down) the street
biggest house on the street
in a neighborhood
giant pile of abandoned debris in the back yard
jacked up landscaping
textured ceilings
outdated lighting fixtures
only one possible place to put the t.v.
weird foot-high brick ledge in the living room
wood burning stove/heater in living room (Either put a real fireplace in, or just leave the idea alone.)
old garage door

That's right. I want new carpet, freshly painted neutral walls, white trim, normal closet doors, and updated everything. I also want all new appliances. And no neighbors. So I basically want to build a new house in the country.

I think we should stop spending money on toys and start saving for our mansion on a hill.

Labels: this house is trying to kill me

TH went back to seal the deal on the new carpet yesterday, but the kind we chose turned out to be discontinued. They also miraculously increased the price by about $600. I love how no matter what you're trying to buy, that's how it goes. At first, it's one price. You base your decision on that price, but the closer you get to signing the check, the higher the number gets.

Anyway, we went back together today, and we finally did seal the deal on a different type of carpet. No, it's not the nine dollar carpet. I wouldn't stand for it, and in the end, TH agreed.

They're coming to install it on Monday the 29th. TH is off that day. Tomorrow is the last day we'll both be off, so all the heavy stuff has to be moved off the carpet by then. We started on it tonight.

The first thing we did was clear off the coffee table and move it to the garage. When TH lifted it, a mountain of trash was exposed. There was an amazing variety of objects hiding under there, just waiting to be rediscovered. A dozen bottle caps testified to the number of cokes TH drinks on the couch, a couple of missing essays from my 6th period class proved that teachers DO lose things (thank goodness I'm impossibly behind on grading, because I hadn't yet confronted the kids on the missing essays), and a smoked pig's ear reminded us of what a pain in the ass it was to retrieve Sweet Tea's lost treasures from under the couch or the coffee table.

Anytime you move a piece of furniture, you expect to find some things beneath it, but this was ridiculous.

So I took a picture.



Yeah, we have a weird coffee table. It's hollow and TH had magazines stored inside of it, which is why I didn't move it when I steam cleaned the carpet a month or so ago. I used to think it was too bachelor-esque, but now I think it's cool.

We also got the big couch moved to the garage. The love seat is staying in the living room for now, but will probably get moved tomorrow. We have no idea where all this stuff will go, but the big challenge is going to be moving the treadmill. It weighs a ton. I hope it goes to the laundry room and stays in exile forever with the free weights. I do not like having exercise equipment in the living room.

Also on the list of things to move: everything in the bedrooms and the "office." That means 2 queen size beds, three dressers, a book shelf filled with books, a computer desk with computer, two filing cabinets, and some other crap.

Anyone wanna come over tomorrow?

Labels: this house is trying to kill me

TH and I went shopping for carpet today. We've been planning to get new carpet for a long, long time, but there has always been a reason not to do it. Sweet Tea was house trained, but every once in a while she'd have a moment. For example, a cat in her favorite sleeping spot, my parents spending the night in the guest bedroom, or me ignoring her pleas for attention were all perfect excuses for her to express her disgust by poppin' a squat in the hallway. We put off getting new carpet because I knew that TH's head would just explode the first time she peed on it. Then I'd have to redo the walls, too. No good.

And let's not forget the Great Plumbing Debaucle of 2005/2006/2007. What fool would have new carpet installed when the hallway might mysteriously fill with water at any given time? Not these fools, I tell ya.

Well, now Sweet Tea is no longer with us, God rest her sweet little dog soul, and the plumbing debaucle appears to have finally been un-baucled. So we're moving forward on the list of things to fix in the house, and carpet is at the top.

We went to Walter's in Laurel, because they're cheaper than everyone else. We've made a decision on what carpet we want, and TH is going back on Friday to pay for it and set up the installation. This weekend we'll be clearing rooms out, even though they won't be here to install it for 2 weeks. This is the last weekend he'll have off work before they come to install it, and everything has to be off the carpet, or else we have to pay extra.

The carpet I wanted costs $20.25 per square yard. The carpet TH wanted costs $9 per square yard. Let's just say you can tell the difference. We compromised, and I settled on some very, very similar carpet that's $13 per square yard. TH had better not go up there Friday and order that nine dollar carpet.

I repeat. TH had better not go up there Friday and order that nine dollar carpet.

Think of our unborn child, whose tender little baby feet will take their first steps on the carpet of your choice! Make it medium quality, thirteen dollar carpet. Because you're not a nine dollar parent.

The only reason I was willing to meet him halfway is because if we save a little on the carpet, we can get a new dining room table and chairs without going (much) over the amount we had originally planned to spend just on carpet.

We really, really need a new table and chairs. TH bought a table on sale at a salvage place right after we met 5 years ago, and thought he could find the chairs elsewhere later, but never could find suitable chairs. We've been sitting in folding chairs and on a few wobbly wooden ones that have been passed down to the family's various needy children over the years. It's kinda embarrassing when people come over and you have to hand them a steel folding chair-- the kind they use to bash each other in the head on rasslin'. And the table doesn't really fit our dining room. It's long and rectangular, and even though it's nice to have plenty of table room when people are here, I think we need one that's round or oval. Our dining room is open w/ the kitchen, and it's sort of a long rectangle. The long, rectangular table accentuates the long rectangularness of the kitchen. I'm not a gay man with an eye for "staging" a house, but I'm thinkin' we need to do something to offset the long rectangularness.

So, thirteen dollar carpet it is.

But not nine.

Next on the list? The screened in back porch that's no longer screened in. It shall be screened in. And after that? We get a big, new, super nice, king size bed. I can't wait get my head banged into a real headboard instead of just the wall! That's high class!

Maybe we'll get a padded headboard...

Labels: married life, this house is trying to kill me

I didn't see Elvis, but I made ya look.

Today I rented a steam cleaner and cleaned all the carpets in the house. They look better, but still need to be replaced.

The carpet cleaning took three hours. After I finished, I headed to the mall to buy TH some cologne. He said I could buy whatever I wanted-- he just wanted some cologne. I sniffed five or ten different things, but nothing tickled my fancy. Finally, at the suggestion of the sales woman, I settled on Vera Wang for men. It's nice. Seems like there used to be a time when certain men's colognes did something for me. Today I couldn't find one that I particularly cared for. The Vera Wang was my favorite of what I tried, and TH likes it, so it'll do.

I also bought some new shoes, pajamas, and a sweet down comforter. A few years ago I bought a down comforter at JC Penney, and TH loves it. He insists on sleeping with it every night, and my other blankets and quilts haven't come out of the closet in a while. The old one is starting to show its age, and it's not like it's real easy to clean those things, so I decided we needed a new one. (Hey, it was on sale!)

Today is my mother's birthday. She's 57. She quit her job a few days ago. They've been rather sh*tty to her for the last year or so, and she's been a reliable person for them for the last ten years. She was a manager for a while, but decided she didn't want to do that anymore because she wanted to have time off when my dad is off work. The guy who became the new manager is a prick. He has been trying to run her off for some reason, and I guess he finally succeeded. She wrote her two week notice and turned it in, and she's looking for a new job. I think she should go back to school and finish her Elementary Ed. degree. It's what she's always wanted to do, and it would solve a couple of their problems. My dad's company provides NO health insurance after retirement (unless you want to pay $1000 a month for it) and they're starting to worry about how they're going to get health insurance. Teachers get it free. It's by far the greatest perk. You know, besides touching young lives and making a difference or whatever.

TH wants the computer, and I want to go to sleep. In my new pajamas. Under my new comforter. Alone.

Marriage rocks.

Labels: Musings on the Man, this house is trying to kill me

It took me all of yesterday and today, but I have conquered the mini forests in the back yard. First, I used the weed eater to get rid of most of the grass and hopefully scare away any snakes that may have been lurking there. Then, I used a saw to get rid of the many mini trees whose little trunks were too thick for the weed eater. Some of them were really big! One tree was so surrounded that you couldn't even tell where the mini forest ended and the main tree began. After that, I got the push mower, and got the rest of the grass and weeds, then I made one more pass with the saw to get some things I left behind yesterday. There are still a few places that I need to hit with the weed eater again, but it's 100% better and TH is off tomorrow so I'm hoping he'll tie up the loose ends.

The yard looks fabulous now. I'm so proud. After I finished, the birds were hopping around in the freshly cut grass under the trees. I've noticed we've got more birds lately. They're mostly Mockingbirds, but a Hummer or two has finally started frequenting the feeder I hung on the front porch. Perhaps they finally decided to take up residence here now that Sweet Tea isn't out there to chase them. Pookie doesn't seem to have much interest, and Millay has been spending more and more time indoors as her tolerance for him increases.

Tomorrow is my first day of work, and I have to go through Wednesday. On Thursday I have to take Pookie to the vet at 8 a.m., so I think I'll pull weeds out of the flower beds while he's there being de-balled. I don't want my family knowing how lazy I am, and weeds in the flower beds are a dead giveaway. I'm extra motivated right now because if I could just get rid of those weeds, the yard would be almost perfect. It would be looking better than it has ever looked before, for sure. And I think we can maintain it now that it's up to standard.

Hurray!

Labels: this house is trying to kill me

Okay, so you know I've been dealing with these stupid plumbers. Every few days the main guy, John, tells me that the other guy, Joe, is going to be at my house the very next day. And every day they have a reason they weren't there. The rain, the high number of jobs they have, a broken van, an injured worker-- I've heard all of those and more. Occasionally, someone shows up, fails to make any progress, and says they'll have to do this or that or return later with this tool or that one.

So Monday I called him and told him it needs to get done this week because I have to return to work next Monday. He responded with, "Oh, it ain't gonna be next week-- it's gonna be tomorrow for sure!" Right. So the next day, he said someone would be here Wednesday. Wednesday, he said someone would be here Thursday. I got a little short with him on the phone on Wednesday. I'm tired of this horse crap. TIRED. I want this finished. It has been the theme of my life the last many months, and I want it out of the way before I go back to work. I don't want to have to deal with these jackasses anymore. On Monday I will have brand new jackasses to deal with. It's time for this particular jackass to realize his turn is up and move aside. Anyway, in keeping with tradition, Thursday he said someone would be here Friday.

Yesterday was Friday. TH was at work at the hospital, and I was arranging desks on the other side of town. I had my cell phone on and it showed that it had a signal inside the classroom. They usually call my cell, so I figured I'd just run home when they called. IF they called. I wasn't exactly holding my breath.

My room is near the main door to the building. Around 3:00, I was sitting next to the old teacher (while she showed me yet another form that I'm not going to remember) when the main doors flew open violently. We looked up, and there stood TH, huffing and puffing and obviously in a hurry.

Last time someone practically broke down a door to come tell me something, it was because my cousin had been in an awful wreck. So my first thought was that someone had died or been in a wreck or something. I should have known that any and all chaos in our life right now must be plumber related. He said the plumber was at the house and was on the clock and there was nobody there to let him in. My cell phone didn't ring when TH tried to call.

So I hauled butt home, only to find that the plumber hadn't even tried to call me because he was working outside and didn't need me. TH had called the plumbers from work on his break and found out they were at the house and freaked out thinking they were sitting in a truck in the driveway getting paid for nothing. In his defense, that doesn't seem to be out of the realm of possibility with these fellas.

Anyway, after digging a hole in my yard and doing a bunch of other crap (including giving us a $2,000 bill for the sewer work they already did) the guy decided we need to replace 60 feet of 2" pipe across the front yard. He says this trouble is because of something the first plumber did. The one who REALLY ripped us off. He said if we decide to sue that guy's company, he'll vouch that it's his fault and testify or whatever.

He's liable for all this. He's in jail right now, but we're seriously considering suing his employer. Very seriously considering it. We have a case, we can prove our case, and I'm sure we could recoup all this money. There have been several times in the past when I/we had grounds to sue someone, but neither of us ever has because we're not greedy people and nothing has ever really been so huge that we felt it was worth the trouble. In this case, I think it might be worth it.

Who could blame us??

Labels: Good Old Fashioned Bitchin', professional screw-ups, stupid people, this house is trying to kill me