DeadpanAnn (old blogger version)

I fried some chicken tonight. Mmm mmm GOOD.

We have two working toilets now, at a total cost of over $500. &%*T!

I'm pretty sure that not a single one of the students in my 7th period class has a chance of staying out of prison. I'm DEFINITELY sure that I won't shed a tear when they leave for the summer, but I will shed tears if any of them are in my class next year for 8th grade.

My boss is a micro manager.

Please, dear Lord, please let them hire Cool Assistant Principal to replace Micro Manager Principal next year. Please.

If we don't make hotel reservations soon, our San Francisco trip isn't going to happen.

Last night in the "travel" section of Books a Million, Tim almost backed out of San Fran after he read that the big event in June is a gay festival, and that mimes are out in full force in June.

I do agree that both are major negatives.

I wonder if the mimes are gay.

Tim wants to buy a new dining room set before this weekend. We recently bought a bedroom suite, a toilet, and some other pricey stuff, plus Tim's second job is over after May, so this relaxed spending surprises me. We usually try to stop the bleeding after such financial hemorrhaging.

Could Tim be working for the mafia or something?

Maybe he's nesting.

I hope the baby's okay. It sucks not being able to feel it or have anything to reassure you. I'm just sorta taking a guy's word that everything's okay.

I ordered one of those doppler things so I can listen to the heartbeat. I know, I know. Waste of money, blah blah blah. Do you think the doppler waves or whatever will screw the baby up? Even if I do it forty times a day?

We should sell the pool table and make this room into a playroom.

We had a buyer for the hot tub, but couldn't figure out how to make a 35 inch high hot tub fit through a 32 inch wide door.

Any hillbilly husband out there want another hot tub and know how to fit one through a small space?

How about a pool table? Hmm? Any takers?

Surely he's just nesting.

I hope the baby's okay.

Labels: family, I am not a hypochondriac, married life, random thought whenever, this house is trying to kill me

First of all, let me just say that I can't believe I'm blogging about this.

Tim thinks the name Angus Malcolm is the coolest name he's ever heard for a kid. I gagged when I heard it. Okay, so I didn't gag when I heard the name-- I gagged when I realized he got it from the lead and rhythm guitarists of AC/DC. Wouldn't that be like child abuse-- to name your kid after members of AC/DC?? I mean, why don't we just name him White Trash McTimslastname and slap a rebel flag shirt on him and be done with it?

Angus is not that bad, except that it will doom a kid to certain playground torture. Malcolm is not bad at all. So I say if it must be-- MUST BE those two names, switch the order and make the hamburger sounding one the middle name. That's nonsense, says he, because Angus is the lead guitarist.

He also said he thinks he should be the one to name our kid (yes, our kid who hasn't been conceived yet and may never be) and wants me to surrender my rights and let him do it. I think that's a two person job in the first place, but after hearing Angus Malcolm McTimslastname, I couldn't agree, and I told him so.

If I surrender my naming rights, we might end up with a Fighter Pilot Rambo McTimslastname. And God forbid we should have a girl...

Anyway, Tim declared a sperm embargo until I agree that Angus Malcolm rocks.

I think I'll go have a third cup of coffee.

Labels: married life

TH and I went shopping for carpet today. We've been planning to get new carpet for a long, long time, but there has always been a reason not to do it. Sweet Tea was house trained, but every once in a while she'd have a moment. For example, a cat in her favorite sleeping spot, my parents spending the night in the guest bedroom, or me ignoring her pleas for attention were all perfect excuses for her to express her disgust by poppin' a squat in the hallway. We put off getting new carpet because I knew that TH's head would just explode the first time she peed on it. Then I'd have to redo the walls, too. No good.

And let's not forget the Great Plumbing Debaucle of 2005/2006/2007. What fool would have new carpet installed when the hallway might mysteriously fill with water at any given time? Not these fools, I tell ya.

Well, now Sweet Tea is no longer with us, God rest her sweet little dog soul, and the plumbing debaucle appears to have finally been un-baucled. So we're moving forward on the list of things to fix in the house, and carpet is at the top.

We went to Walter's in Laurel, because they're cheaper than everyone else. We've made a decision on what carpet we want, and TH is going back on Friday to pay for it and set up the installation. This weekend we'll be clearing rooms out, even though they won't be here to install it for 2 weeks. This is the last weekend he'll have off work before they come to install it, and everything has to be off the carpet, or else we have to pay extra.

The carpet I wanted costs $20.25 per square yard. The carpet TH wanted costs $9 per square yard. Let's just say you can tell the difference. We compromised, and I settled on some very, very similar carpet that's $13 per square yard. TH had better not go up there Friday and order that nine dollar carpet.

I repeat. TH had better not go up there Friday and order that nine dollar carpet.

Think of our unborn child, whose tender little baby feet will take their first steps on the carpet of your choice! Make it medium quality, thirteen dollar carpet. Because you're not a nine dollar parent.

The only reason I was willing to meet him halfway is because if we save a little on the carpet, we can get a new dining room table and chairs without going (much) over the amount we had originally planned to spend just on carpet.

We really, really need a new table and chairs. TH bought a table on sale at a salvage place right after we met 5 years ago, and thought he could find the chairs elsewhere later, but never could find suitable chairs. We've been sitting in folding chairs and on a few wobbly wooden ones that have been passed down to the family's various needy children over the years. It's kinda embarrassing when people come over and you have to hand them a steel folding chair-- the kind they use to bash each other in the head on rasslin'. And the table doesn't really fit our dining room. It's long and rectangular, and even though it's nice to have plenty of table room when people are here, I think we need one that's round or oval. Our dining room is open w/ the kitchen, and it's sort of a long rectangle. The long, rectangular table accentuates the long rectangularness of the kitchen. I'm not a gay man with an eye for "staging" a house, but I'm thinkin' we need to do something to offset the long rectangularness.

So, thirteen dollar carpet it is.

But not nine.

Next on the list? The screened in back porch that's no longer screened in. It shall be screened in. And after that? We get a big, new, super nice, king size bed. I can't wait get my head banged into a real headboard instead of just the wall! That's high class!

Maybe we'll get a padded headboard...

Labels: married life, this house is trying to kill me

While lying in bed, lights out and with our backs to each other-- ten minutes after TH walked past the office door and saw me playing Empire Poker (with fake chips):

If you gambled away our savings, I'm gonna kill you.

I gambled it all away. The house too.

[silence]

I'm gonna use a hammer.

Labels: married life, Musings on the Man