How Tim Stole Frog's Dinner
Nothing gives you that cold-in-the-stomach feeling like having your husband look at you and say, "I need to tell you something, but I need you to NOT freak out." How do you not freak out immediately? You've been primed to freak out. Even if the news isn't really that freakout worthy, you're now on a one way street to Freakoutville.
Turns out Tim killed four snakes in the yard while weed eating yesterday. Yeah, that's borderline freakout worthy. Then he said they were babies, and they were all in the same place, which strongly suggests that a bunch of them just hatched out. Even better is the fact that they were found less than 6 feet from my back door, up against the patio. Granted, that particular area hadn't been weed-eated (weed ate?) in a while, so the grass was tall, but still. This is my territory, and snakes are not welcome. Not unless they come waving white flags and wearing nametags that identify them as non-venomous species. Then I might let them hang out. But if you're a snake, you catch me off guard, and I don't know what you are, I'm gonna hedge my bets and hack your head off with the nearest garden tool.
Tim went on to say that they were really small, and dark brown with darker "notches" or lines down the back. He thought they might've been baby rattlesnakes. They wouldn't have rattlers at that age, so who knows? I certainly wouldn't know a rattlesnake if I saw it, unless it rattled at me, of course. There are no rattlers in North Mississippi, or at least I've never heard of anyone encountering one, and I was shocked when I moved down here and was told there are quite a few here. I always thought of them strictly as a desert animal, I guess.
Tim hacked the baby snakes up with a hoe. So that we could try to figure out what kind of snakes they were, he went and got a couple of the bodies out of the grass and laid them up on the carport. While he was out there looking for the dead snakes, he saw a frog up against the house with half a snake hanging out of its mouth. So make that five snakes.
Anyway, here's a pic of two different ones. The one with the quarter by it is the smaller of the two he was able to find in the dark.
And here's another one. This is the best shot I could get to show the shape of the head and the markings on the back.
After checking Mississippi State's kickass snake identifying tool and comparing the pics of these snakes to pictures of adults of various species, we are convinced that they are probably Garter snakes, but may be Brown snakes. Either way, they're not bad to have around.
So yeah. We hacked up half a dozen Garter snakes. Not cool. But whattaya do? There's a nest of baby snakes six feet from your door, and they catch you off guard with their creepy slithering bodies and their pointy little snake tongues and shit. As I already pointed out to one acquaintance of mine who criticized us a little bit for hacking them up before figuring out what they were, I do believe a bite from a venomous snake would bring a sad end to our hopes of having a healthy baby here three months from now. So, yeah, sorry for hacking up a bunch of snakes that are not only harmless but probably good to have around, but still. Suck it, haters.
The whole thing reminded me of what one of my coworkers told me at the end of last school year. A garter snake made its way into our hallway and was captured (okay, actually it was whacked in the head with a stapler by the kind of kid who lives for such moments) right across from my classroom door. The coworker swore that it was there because I'm pregnant, and snakes are drawn to pregnant women. She said that her husband killed four snakes over the course of several months right outside their house while she was pregnant. So of course I couldn't wait to get to our professional development today, so I could tell her about last night's snake adventure.
In other news, my summer is pretty much over. I had the week of professional development last week, have three days this week, and might have to go for two days next week. I'm not sure about next week yet. One source said I'm supposed to be there. Another said I don't. I'll find out tomorrow. The year officially starts for teachers on August 1, and the kids show up on August 7. That's okay, though. I know it'll only be days until I hear those sweet, sweet words, "The school year is almost over."
Turns out Tim killed four snakes in the yard while weed eating yesterday. Yeah, that's borderline freakout worthy. Then he said they were babies, and they were all in the same place, which strongly suggests that a bunch of them just hatched out. Even better is the fact that they were found less than 6 feet from my back door, up against the patio. Granted, that particular area hadn't been weed-eated (weed ate?) in a while, so the grass was tall, but still. This is my territory, and snakes are not welcome. Not unless they come waving white flags and wearing nametags that identify them as non-venomous species. Then I might let them hang out. But if you're a snake, you catch me off guard, and I don't know what you are, I'm gonna hedge my bets and hack your head off with the nearest garden tool.
Tim went on to say that they were really small, and dark brown with darker "notches" or lines down the back. He thought they might've been baby rattlesnakes. They wouldn't have rattlers at that age, so who knows? I certainly wouldn't know a rattlesnake if I saw it, unless it rattled at me, of course. There are no rattlers in North Mississippi, or at least I've never heard of anyone encountering one, and I was shocked when I moved down here and was told there are quite a few here. I always thought of them strictly as a desert animal, I guess.
Tim hacked the baby snakes up with a hoe. So that we could try to figure out what kind of snakes they were, he went and got a couple of the bodies out of the grass and laid them up on the carport. While he was out there looking for the dead snakes, he saw a frog up against the house with half a snake hanging out of its mouth. So make that five snakes.
Anyway, here's a pic of two different ones. The one with the quarter by it is the smaller of the two he was able to find in the dark.
And here's another one. This is the best shot I could get to show the shape of the head and the markings on the back.
After checking Mississippi State's kickass snake identifying tool and comparing the pics of these snakes to pictures of adults of various species, we are convinced that they are probably Garter snakes, but may be Brown snakes. Either way, they're not bad to have around.
So yeah. We hacked up half a dozen Garter snakes. Not cool. But whattaya do? There's a nest of baby snakes six feet from your door, and they catch you off guard with their creepy slithering bodies and their pointy little snake tongues and shit. As I already pointed out to one acquaintance of mine who criticized us a little bit for hacking them up before figuring out what they were, I do believe a bite from a venomous snake would bring a sad end to our hopes of having a healthy baby here three months from now. So, yeah, sorry for hacking up a bunch of snakes that are not only harmless but probably good to have around, but still. Suck it, haters.
The whole thing reminded me of what one of my coworkers told me at the end of last school year. A garter snake made its way into our hallway and was captured (okay, actually it was whacked in the head with a stapler by the kind of kid who lives for such moments) right across from my classroom door. The coworker swore that it was there because I'm pregnant, and snakes are drawn to pregnant women. She said that her husband killed four snakes over the course of several months right outside their house while she was pregnant. So of course I couldn't wait to get to our professional development today, so I could tell her about last night's snake adventure.
In other news, my summer is pretty much over. I had the week of professional development last week, have three days this week, and might have to go for two days next week. I'm not sure about next week yet. One source said I'm supposed to be there. Another said I don't. I'll find out tomorrow. The year officially starts for teachers on August 1, and the kids show up on August 7. That's okay, though. I know it'll only be days until I hear those sweet, sweet words, "The school year is almost over."
Do you have a reason for being so horrified of snakes? I mean did they abduct you as a child or something? I'm always trying to figure out why anyone would be afraid of them. Makes about as much sense as being afraid of spiders.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:23 PM
Guess what happens if you run over a copperhead on the riding lawn mower? Nothing if you miss it. I was trying to get the cruise control on so I could put my feet on the top of the mower and missed it. But on the off chance you get a second try, they shred into a dozen pieces and decorate the pine trees.
The only good snake is covered with tread marks.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:29 PM
Petsnakes,
I think my post here sufficiently conveyed my regret at the snakes being killed, so take your self-righteous sarcasm back to the pet store.
Holley,
I have never run over one with a lawn mower, but once when our grass was really high out back I saw a huge one moving across the yard and it was standing up so high to get above the grass that it looked like it was walking. Man it was creepy.
Posted by
Mommy Needs a Xanax |
7:17 AM
It's not like you've put their little snake heads out on stakes in the yard to serve as a warning to their slithery brethren... although, if you did, I wouldn't blame you.
And spiders can all go die in a fire, thankyouverymuch.
Posted by
Stewed Hamm |
12:14 PM
Petsnakes:
Don't be gay. We grew up playing with snakes in our backyard. That was after our mom and dad assured us they were perfectly harmless. I had 3 pet snakes as a child. That doesn't mean I want a nest of them outside my front door. Of course, the snakes Tim killed were harmless.Better safe than sorry! So next time you see them, maybe baby will be old enough to run around with them like we did with glee on his face. Even here we get tons of those grass snakes babies in our yard every year. The cats LIVE for it, we've only found one alive in 8 years.
Posted by
My Spacious Cranium |
2:09 PM
I saw my husband weedeating the top of a bush on our fence line yesterday and wondered what he was doing until he brought a dead (and small) snake up to show me. He had hit it with the weedeater which then flung it at him, and poor hubby almost shat himself (deathly afraid of snakes). When I was pregnant with our daughter, Hubby tore through our house and back out, so I hauled my 8 month preggers body out of bed and outside to see where the fire was and found him running back and forth in front of these bushes and brandishing a hoe. When he said he had seen a snake, I asked him if he meant that little, bitty garter snake that was no bigger than an earthworm, I swear. To this day, he still swears it was huge. And I am with Stewed Hamm....little heads on stakes and a big, big bonfire for all the spiders in the world.
Posted by
Marshamarshamarsha |
2:55 AM