DeadpanAnn (old blogger version)

The Alcatraz trip was pretty bitchin', and then yesterday we walked to Chinatown, which was cool. We saw tons of cheap imported Chinese plastic shit for sale, so it was kinda like being in the world's biggest Wal Mart. We also ate at a Chinese restaurant, where I had the best sweet and sour chicken I've ever tasted. Tim had kung pow chicken, and it was too hot for him. He ordered it even though the waiter tried to warn him. "It hot. It very hot. You still want?"



Sacred Ground

On the outskirts of Chinatown, we spotted City Lights Bookstore, which is sacred ground to me. I spent more than one semester of my post adolescent idealistic years sitting in poetry classes trying to imagine the place. So we spent some time there, and I bought a book or two in the poetry room. I rediscovered a lot of stuff that I read in college that you don't find in most bookstores, and made a resolution to start reading poetry again. It calms me down and relaxes me.







So lunch in Chinatown and going to City Lights were both fun experiences. City Lights ranked up there with Alcatraz. Altogether, those three things took about 8 hours. So let's talk about how we've spent the other 104 hours.

Wildlife at the Wharf

We've been down to Fisherman's Wharf a few times. That's the touristy area. It's basically a money pit where there are all sorts of little shops trying to sell you cheap souvenirs. You can find everything from a shop specializing in socks-- just socks-- to "Magnet Heaven," which has, you guessed it, magnets. There are also shady salesmen trying to sell you tickets for boat rides around Alcatraz. When they come up to you, the first thing they do is ask you where you're from. Then as you're walking away, they scream, "Hey, Mississippi! Hey, Mississippi, come back!" Geez.

One cool thing about the wharf is the sea lions.



Tons of these sea lions showed up after the 1989 earthquake, for no apparent reason. They say that the merchants who use the piers there tried everything to run them off, but were unsuccessful. During the summer, most of them leave, but a handful stay year round. So there weren't that many there when we went, but there were probably 50 or 60 of them lying around on the docks like a bunch of loud, lazy, stinky, fat asses. This webcam is on them all the time. Kinda cool.



We also met a one-legged pigeon near Fisherman's Wharf. He hangs out in a courtyard behind the In & Out Burger where he eats french fries thrown to him by compassionate humans who can't help but feed him when they see his nub foot. Tim and I have seen him each time we've been in the area, and I took to calling him Nubby. I wondered how he lost that foot, then I noticed how many mean ass kids like to chase the pigeons and stomp at them.



Even the Pimps are Nice

Getting back up from the wharf was difficult the first time. We finally figured out the bus system enough to get back and forth. When we were coming back from the Alcatraz trip, we had some trouble. It was after dark, the bus we used to get down there wasn't running, and we had to walk a long distance to find another one. Then we weren't sure where to get off. We were just hoping not to run into any shady characters when-- whattaya know-- the pimpenest pimp in all of California climbs aboard, exchanges some elaborate handshake with the driver, then sits across from us and continues a cell phone conversation in which he is informed that his buddy got shot that day. When Tim and I started getting closer to where we wanted to get off, I guess we looked lost. The guy put his phone call on hold to help us. He was really nice. Maybe the nicest pimp in the USA. Pimptacular. In fact, next time I see a black guy in an all-suede suite with a shiny yellow tie, slicked back hair, gold-rimmed sunglasses (at night), and a mouth full of gold teeth, I'll ask him for directions.

This post is getting really lengthy, and I know most of you don't have the attention span to stick with me. Hell, I probably lost 3/4 of you somewhere between "Sacred Ground" and "Even the Pimps are Nice," so I'm gonna break this up into two parts. Tomorrow I will tell you about the Golden Gate Near Death Experience, the Tour de Ghetto, the Sixty Dollar Meatloaf and the Fifty Dollar Hamburger, Gay Pride Weekend, Damn Yankees on the Tour Bus, and much, much more. There's even a gay wedding involved, so come back.