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Sunday, June 15, 2008 

Jubilee Damn

It stormed the entire way to Jackson Friday night, but we forged onward anyway. We lucked up and it stopped raining just as we got to town. We also found a parking space really easily, and it was only a block from the front gate of the festival. We didn't even have to walk through the hood, and I was wrong about the 666 Mafia show being that night-- it was the following night, so the gangsters weren't there.

I did get molested at the front gate. A guy searched Tim, and I asked if we had to pay extra for that. That's when he told me I'd be searched by a woman inside the gate. As we walked up, a little redhead came towards me and said something that I thought was "I have to search your underarms." I stopped walking and held my arms up. She grabbed my boobs and then pinched her way around the underwire of my bra. So I guess she had said, "I have to search your underwire." Oh. Well then. She could've kissed me first. Tim couldn't believe how thorougly I was felt up, and he said when he saw that chick's hands go for my tits he thought I was going to throw a fit.

I may have to make a new rule about going to events that require me to be molested at the front gate.

Once inside, we saw the North Mississippi Allstars were on stage, so we made our way there. It wasn't bad; there wasn't a huge crowd, and none of the drunks were being really stupid. Then someone started smoking cloves. I used to smoke a pack and a half a day of Marlboro Lights, so I'm not overly sensitive to secondhand smoke, but the smell of cloves has always been like a noose around my throat. The same goes for pipe tobacco, but it's worse with cloves. After a few minutes of not being able to breathe, I moved away from the crowd and got something to eat.

Later, we went to another stage where ZZ Top was playing. that crowd was infinitely worse than the North MS Allstars crowd. There were lots of rednecks, as you'd expect, but we somehow ended up being surrounded by a bunch of extremely drunk, chain smoking 22 year olds. The drunk little bitch in front of me nearly put my eyeball out with her cigarette half a dozen times. I didn't stay in that crowd long at all because I couldn't breathe. Tim and I agreed to meet in front of the Governor's mansion when it was over, and I spent the next hour sitting on the sidewalk next to the BancorpSouth. Tim didn't even make it through the whole concert for some reason, and we headed back to Hattiesburg less than two hours after we had arrived. And it only cost us $60 and a little bit of dignity at the front gate.

Good times.

Maybe we should expect to see you on the next "Girls Gone Wild" commercial. Since she felt you up, the least she could have done was buy your supper.

Hot damn, I know where my next job application is going to!

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