Shut up and pass the gravy.
Our holiday was packed with adventure. Yesterday morning we got up early and went up to my parents' house. When we were going through Grenada (about 80 miles south of where we were going) my cell phone rang. It was my mother, who asked me to go pick up my grandmother and Aunt C and bring them to the house. See, Aunt C is a stupid bitch, and she totaled their car. Cause she's stupid. And a bitch. On second thought, it might have happened because she inhaled deeply and got a whiff of the wretched, wretched stink that emanates from her pores. That would no doubt cause a wreck.
We did go get them when we finally got to Olive Branch.
The traditional Thanksgiving meal was fine. Nothing much to speak of. My mother didn't lapse into one of her spontaneous mood swings and freak out on Aunt C, and I think that's the first time we've avoided that in....hmmmm....my entire lifetime.
Speaking of my lifetime, my birthday is next month. Don't ask me why I care. I'm not sure I do. It just feels significant because it's the last year of my twenties. I can't believe they're almost over. I looked forward to my twenties so fervently when I was a teenager. I never even imagined life after my twenties. What else is there? Nothing that I could think of then. Now all I can think about is having a baby. Nothing about turning 30 appeals to me. I don't even think my car insurance will go down. No need to fret though. It's one of those things that's out of my control. Besides, I have exactly one year and one month before my twenties are officially over--not that they've been everything I hoped for. Though I did manage to go to college and marry someone who loves me and buys me Harleys.
It's actually 5:55 a.m. right now (started this post last night) and we're getting ready to go pick it up. We still haven't figured out how we're getting it home. The lights on the trailer are out, and the engine light is on in the truck, so Tim doesn't want to trailer it home. But it's 43 degrees out there and it's a 90+ minute drive from Jackson to here AND every nutjob in the state will be on those highways trying to get a laptop for ten dollars or what the hell ever, so I am against the idea of him riding it from Jackson to Hattiesburg. The icy cold wind will freeze his family jewels, and my dreams of motherhood will be ruined.
I just read over this post, and I think I should stop writing late at night and early in the morning. Two out of three sentences is a simple sentence. I have broken the all important rule of sentence type variation-- like I even knew what that was before I started teaching twelve year olds to do it. Did you feel yourself falling asleep? I did. Then again, it is 6:00 a.m. I gotta go get some more coffee. However we decide to do this, I'd hate to think I could pull it off without stopping to pee at least three times.
We did go get them when we finally got to Olive Branch.
The traditional Thanksgiving meal was fine. Nothing much to speak of. My mother didn't lapse into one of her spontaneous mood swings and freak out on Aunt C, and I think that's the first time we've avoided that in....hmmmm....my entire lifetime.
Speaking of my lifetime, my birthday is next month. Don't ask me why I care. I'm not sure I do. It just feels significant because it's the last year of my twenties. I can't believe they're almost over. I looked forward to my twenties so fervently when I was a teenager. I never even imagined life after my twenties. What else is there? Nothing that I could think of then. Now all I can think about is having a baby. Nothing about turning 30 appeals to me. I don't even think my car insurance will go down. No need to fret though. It's one of those things that's out of my control. Besides, I have exactly one year and one month before my twenties are officially over--not that they've been everything I hoped for. Though I did manage to go to college and marry someone who loves me and buys me Harleys.
It's actually 5:55 a.m. right now (started this post last night) and we're getting ready to go pick it up. We still haven't figured out how we're getting it home. The lights on the trailer are out, and the engine light is on in the truck, so Tim doesn't want to trailer it home. But it's 43 degrees out there and it's a 90+ minute drive from Jackson to here AND every nutjob in the state will be on those highways trying to get a laptop for ten dollars or what the hell ever, so I am against the idea of him riding it from Jackson to Hattiesburg. The icy cold wind will freeze his family jewels, and my dreams of motherhood will be ruined.
I just read over this post, and I think I should stop writing late at night and early in the morning. Two out of three sentences is a simple sentence. I have broken the all important rule of sentence type variation-- like I even knew what that was before I started teaching twelve year olds to do it. Did you feel yourself falling asleep? I did. Then again, it is 6:00 a.m. I gotta go get some more coffee. However we decide to do this, I'd hate to think I could pull it off without stopping to pee at least three times.
Labels: Aunt C, family, semi coherent rant
Thinking of poor Tim riding that motorcycle in this cold made me think of the movie "Planes, Trains & Automobiles" when John Candy and Steve Martin were forced to ride in the back of that pickup truck with the mean dog and, when they got to where they were going, their faces were frozen in these weird, smiling expressions, as was the dog's.
Hate to think of something like that happening to Tim's jewels.
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:55 AM
We decided to take it to the Harley shop and let them change the fluids instead of bringing it home today. The oil was really dark, and we were a little worried about driving it very far without some maintenance.
And it was colderna witch's titty.
Posted by
Mommy Needs a Xanax |
1:51 PM