DeadpanAnn (old blogger version)

Today I have a doctor's appointment. This is the day they'll start checking my baby gateway (ok, it's called a cervix) to see if the little booger is doing anything at all to suggest that he's getting close to ready. On one hand, I'm dreading it, because I had to have my cervix checked that time that I pulled my ligaments while dealing with the dogs, and it was very painful. At the same time, I want to know what's happening, if anything.

I hope there's some progress, because if I'm dilated at all they're going to do an ultrasound really soon to see how big he is. The doctor keeps saying he's bigger than normal. I'm sure I know how far along I am, so I think he's just big because I've made no effort to avoid the sweet, sweet carbohydrates that I've been craving for the last 6 months. Either that or there's just a lot of fluid and they're worrying for nothing. They say as they get bigger, they can't punch you as hard because they run out of room. Well, he's not having any trouble with that. Last night he kicked me so hard in the top of my ribs that my boob bounced up and damn near fwapped me in the face. I'm serious. If it had happened at work, it would've been highly embarrassing. I would be forever known as the teacher with the jumping boobs. That kind of thing leads me to believe that he's not as crowded as they think, and maybe I'm measuring big for some other reason.

They're also apparently going to do some kind of test today. I'm not sure what it's for (group b strep?) because I wasn't really listening until they said, "...swab of your rectum." Good grief! That certainly got my attention.

See what I mean?? THIS is what we should be telling kids in sex education classes to prevent pregnancy. Hand out condoms, but try to use the phrase "swab of your rectum" in the process. I promise you, teen pregnancy will decrease.

I'll update later on what the doc says. Right now I need to go shower. Very, very thoroughly.