DeadpanAnn (old blogger version)

Tonight I had somewhere important to be. Maybe it was because 8th graders are sent straight from hell with detailed instructions on how to prematurely age their teachers, or maybe it was because my day sucked herpes covered camel balls, but I spent most of the day looking forward to the something important I had to do at the someplace important I had to be at 8:00. I left the house at 7:00, having talked myself into getting a delicious Sonic burger in lieu of a real dinner. There wasn't any food in the house, after all, and I hadn't had an appetite all day, so I figured I could afford justify the calories. I ate my delicious Sonic burger and drove onward toward my destination.

Just as I pulled into the parking lot, my stomach felt funny. Within 10 minutes I was sweating and clenching my buttcheeks. I got back into the car and-- after a vital pit stop at the Chevron station-- I went back home and spent the next several hours wondering how much fluid could possibly be inside a human body at one time.

Ain't that a bitch? I survived what I assumed at the time would be the shittiest part of my day, made it right up to the edge of something that might have brought me pleasure, and was stricken with even shittier shittiness than the shit I had to endure earlier.

I hope it wasn't the Sonic. Sonic brings me such joy. Unless my condition changes dramatically in the next few hours, I'm calling in sick tomorrow.