Why giving out progress reports is a drag: One teacher's quest to not have her intelligence insulted every 9 weeks
The parents are coming! The parents are coming! Okay, so are the progress reports, but..but.. the parents are coming!!!
Mom mentioned a few weeks ago that they might be coming down "sometime in May." My dad's got a work thing in Meridian, and they're going to come down here after that's over and spend the night. Tonight I talked to my dad, and it's a good thing I called because he said it's actually May 2nd, which is next weekend. As in one week from today.
I was thinking it would be after I was done with work. Stupid of me, obviously, since work ends May 23 and they said "Sometime in May." Odds are I would still be working, huh? I guess to teachers the word "May" just evokes all kinds of positive imagery. Even though it's probably the hardest month of work, what with the testing and the paperwork and the calling of parents who have been oblivious until now and the packing up of the room and the restless students and increased number of office referrals.
Moving out of my classroom for the summer will not be unlike moving out of a dorm room for the summer. I've got a lot of stuff in there, including a mini fridge. A mini fridge that I traded a watch for during my first semester of juco in 1997. I didn't go to class much, so I didn't need the watch. The mini fridge has served me for 11 years and counting. So you tell me which was the better deal. Hmmmmmmm??
Anyway my point is that it's busy at work now. Busy busy. I've actually had to work nonstop during my planning periods, which is something I routinely avoid, and I'm still not getting it done.
I gave out the last progress reports of the year today. They were due to go out yesterday, but I intentionally put them off so that I could have time to grade their most recent tests, which they failed. I wanted those horrible scores to be included so the progress report would reflect a lower, more realistic average than if I just tallied up all their daily grades. The last thing I need is pissed off mommas coming up here on the last day of school demanding to know how their angels could have failed when they had a B or a C at mid term.
Giving out progress reports is not fun. I hate it. Let me tell you why.
When I give an assignment, several people invariably decide not to worry about it. This is particularly true of homework. There have been many, many times when I took up a homework assignment and only got it back from 3 kids in a class of 18. It goes something like this:
Okay so are there any other questions about the bell ringer? Good. Now please pass it in and then take out your homework.
What homework?!?!? (OUTRAGED!)
Yeah what homework?!
That woman dint give us no homework!
[sigh] You were supposed to write two cause and effect sentences.
[blank stares] Oh I ain't do it.
I left mines in my math room.
Mine's in my binder somewhere but I can't find it.
Mine is on my auntie's computer because I left my jump drive there.
Mine's in my little brother's folder.
What are cause and effect sentences??
Pass it in, or don't. It's due. If you don't have it, please sign a sheet of paper saying why you don't have it.
Can I bring it tomorrow?
What's the policy that we've used all year?
I can bring it tomorrow but not after tomorrow.
Okay then. Any other questions?
So I preach. I warn them that if it's not turned in the following day, it's a zero. I explain to them, for the nine millionth time, that homework is designed to prepare them for tests and other things they need to be ready for. I remind them that a zero is extremely difficult to overcome. I beg. I plead. I warn. Then the next day I usually ask them about it (but not always.) "Johnny, do you have that homework from yesterday?" "What homework?" "Cause and effect sentences." "Oh. No." "Okay, well it's a zero then."
Fast forward to progress report day. I stand in front of the room, reports in hand, and give the following speech:
I'm going to give you your progress reports. If you feel that there is a problem with one of your grades, please keep it to yourself for now. You can come to me during a break or before school and we will take a look at it.
So I hand them out. And every. time. the. same. kids. insist. that I am on some kind of mission to replace their well-earned 100's with zeros. They would be honor roll students if only they could figure out a way to prove that I am sabotaging them!
Mrs. Ann! What's this assignment? (pointing to a zero.)
That's the cause and effect sentences you were supposed to do for homework on March 14th.
[blank stare] Cause and effect sentences?
Yes.
Oh! I did that!
Really? Cause two seconds ago you didn't know what I was talking about.
Yeah but I did it and I turned it in to you!
No you didn't. [Thinking but not saying]: You couldn't write two cause and effect sentences right now if I told you to, cause you've never done it and didn't pay attention in class when I talked about it.
[smacking lips and twisting around all frustrated like] I know I did!
Now, I used to get nervous when this would happen. I would think Shit what if I lost that kid's homework! I can't remember if he did it! Maybe he did do it and turn it in and I never graded it! I would promise to "double check" and make sure I didn't have it. No more. If I show any doubt whatsoever, it only gives them more steam for their "I swear to God I did it" lie. NOW the response is like this:
No, you didn't. Just admit it. You didn't. I begged you, warned you, reminded you, and you didn't do it.
Yes, I--
End of discussion.
Maybe for dramatic effect I go to the board and write one or more of the following:
Cause and effect examples:
1. If you don't do your homework, you don't get a grade.
2. Because Sally didn't do her homework, she received a grade of zero.
3. Johnny didn't listen in class, so he didn't know he had homework. Since he didn't know he had homework, he got a zero.
4. Jack is not very mature, so he can not accept blame for his own actions. 5. Since Jack can't accept responsibility for his actions, he blames his problems on his teacher.
Of course you draw arrows to the causes and write "CAUSE" and arrows to the effects and write "EFFECTS." Cause I'm a bitch like that. You know, when I'm not busy chasing down fat white rabbits.
Those sheets of paper I make them sign explaining why their homework is not done would be nice to have in hand for those yes I did no you didn't yes I did no you didn't chats, but I never can get them filed. I've got a pile of student work three feet high that probably isn't going to make it into their folders at all. I will have to fix my filing problem next year, but I don't know how.
And that is why giving out progress reports is a drag.
Mom mentioned a few weeks ago that they might be coming down "sometime in May." My dad's got a work thing in Meridian, and they're going to come down here after that's over and spend the night. Tonight I talked to my dad, and it's a good thing I called because he said it's actually May 2nd, which is next weekend. As in one week from today.
I was thinking it would be after I was done with work. Stupid of me, obviously, since work ends May 23 and they said "Sometime in May." Odds are I would still be working, huh? I guess to teachers the word "May" just evokes all kinds of positive imagery. Even though it's probably the hardest month of work, what with the testing and the paperwork and the calling of parents who have been oblivious until now and the packing up of the room and the restless students and increased number of office referrals.
Moving out of my classroom for the summer will not be unlike moving out of a dorm room for the summer. I've got a lot of stuff in there, including a mini fridge. A mini fridge that I traded a watch for during my first semester of juco in 1997. I didn't go to class much, so I didn't need the watch. The mini fridge has served me for 11 years and counting. So you tell me which was the better deal. Hmmmmmmm??
Anyway my point is that it's busy at work now. Busy busy. I've actually had to work nonstop during my planning periods, which is something I routinely avoid, and I'm still not getting it done.
I gave out the last progress reports of the year today. They were due to go out yesterday, but I intentionally put them off so that I could have time to grade their most recent tests, which they failed. I wanted those horrible scores to be included so the progress report would reflect a lower, more realistic average than if I just tallied up all their daily grades. The last thing I need is pissed off mommas coming up here on the last day of school demanding to know how their angels could have failed when they had a B or a C at mid term.
Giving out progress reports is not fun. I hate it. Let me tell you why.
When I give an assignment, several people invariably decide not to worry about it. This is particularly true of homework. There have been many, many times when I took up a homework assignment and only got it back from 3 kids in a class of 18. It goes something like this:
Okay so are there any other questions about the bell ringer? Good. Now please pass it in and then take out your homework.
What homework?!?!? (OUTRAGED!)
Yeah what homework?!
That woman dint give us no homework!
[sigh] You were supposed to write two cause and effect sentences.
[blank stares] Oh I ain't do it.
I left mines in my math room.
Mine's in my binder somewhere but I can't find it.
Mine is on my auntie's computer because I left my jump drive there.
Mine's in my little brother's folder.
What are cause and effect sentences??
Pass it in, or don't. It's due. If you don't have it, please sign a sheet of paper saying why you don't have it.
Can I bring it tomorrow?
What's the policy that we've used all year?
I can bring it tomorrow but not after tomorrow.
Okay then. Any other questions?
So I preach. I warn them that if it's not turned in the following day, it's a zero. I explain to them, for the nine millionth time, that homework is designed to prepare them for tests and other things they need to be ready for. I remind them that a zero is extremely difficult to overcome. I beg. I plead. I warn. Then the next day I usually ask them about it (but not always.) "Johnny, do you have that homework from yesterday?" "What homework?" "Cause and effect sentences." "Oh. No." "Okay, well it's a zero then."
Fast forward to progress report day. I stand in front of the room, reports in hand, and give the following speech:
I'm going to give you your progress reports. If you feel that there is a problem with one of your grades, please keep it to yourself for now. You can come to me during a break or before school and we will take a look at it.
So I hand them out. And every. time. the. same. kids. insist. that I am on some kind of mission to replace their well-earned 100's with zeros. They would be honor roll students if only they could figure out a way to prove that I am sabotaging them!
Mrs. Ann! What's this assignment? (pointing to a zero.)
That's the cause and effect sentences you were supposed to do for homework on March 14th.
[blank stare] Cause and effect sentences?
Yes.
Oh! I did that!
Really? Cause two seconds ago you didn't know what I was talking about.
Yeah but I did it and I turned it in to you!
No you didn't. [Thinking but not saying]: You couldn't write two cause and effect sentences right now if I told you to, cause you've never done it and didn't pay attention in class when I talked about it.
[smacking lips and twisting around all frustrated like] I know I did!
Now, I used to get nervous when this would happen. I would think Shit what if I lost that kid's homework! I can't remember if he did it! Maybe he did do it and turn it in and I never graded it! I would promise to "double check" and make sure I didn't have it. No more. If I show any doubt whatsoever, it only gives them more steam for their "I swear to God I did it" lie. NOW the response is like this:
No, you didn't. Just admit it. You didn't. I begged you, warned you, reminded you, and you didn't do it.
Yes, I--
End of discussion.
Maybe for dramatic effect I go to the board and write one or more of the following:
Cause and effect examples:
1. If you don't do your homework, you don't get a grade.
2. Because Sally didn't do her homework, she received a grade of zero.
3. Johnny didn't listen in class, so he didn't know he had homework. Since he didn't know he had homework, he got a zero.
4. Jack is not very mature, so he can not accept blame for his own actions. 5. Since Jack can't accept responsibility for his actions, he blames his problems on his teacher.
Of course you draw arrows to the causes and write "CAUSE" and arrows to the effects and write "EFFECTS." Cause I'm a bitch like that. You know, when I'm not busy chasing down fat white rabbits.
Those sheets of paper I make them sign explaining why their homework is not done would be nice to have in hand for those yes I did no you didn't yes I did no you didn't chats, but I never can get them filed. I've got a pile of student work three feet high that probably isn't going to make it into their folders at all. I will have to fix my filing problem next year, but I don't know how.
And that is why giving out progress reports is a drag.
Labels: teacher life
I give my students the "opportunity" to file the papers. They actually love it because they get to peak at other people's grades. It's an assigned classroom job, but I get a lot of helpers wanting to do things at recess or after school, so I let them file. Loved your description of the homework discussion. I hear the same all the time in elementary.
Ellen
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:37 AM
Hot damn it's progress report time! These posts are my absolute favorites... outside of cat posts, of course. but then that's a given, because why would I be at a cat blog if I didn't like cat posts? Amirite?
Posted by
Stewed Hamm |
2:38 AM
Ellie, I have a few girls who like to do that, but after going behind them and finding that they had misfiled about half of the stuff, I revoked the privilege.
Stew, Do I hear you singing "It's the MOST wonderful TIME of the yeeeaarrrr!"
Posted by
Mommy Needs a Xanax |
10:29 PM