Teachers Are Thrillseekers at Heart
The first part of today was fine. The second part sucked. In a space of two hours, the following tragedies occured in my classroom:
1. Tornado warning. Warning. As in "a tornado is on the ground and headed your way-- cover your ass!" Imagine trying to keep 18 seventh graders in the fetal position against a wall for 45 minutes. Most of them weren't taking it seriously and continued to giggle and talk despite my attempts to focus them on the art of not dying, but one kid was really nervous. Poor nervous kid happened to land on the end of the row of bodies, closest to the window, so I sat next to him. I remember being scared out of my mind during storms when I was....wait. I'm still scared during storms. That kind of storm, anyway.
2. A kid lost his tooth during the tornado warning, and it bled profusely. He's a little short guy, a late-bloomer, and he was embarrassed when I asked incredulously, "Is that a baby tooth!?" Oops. My bad. I gave him a bottle of water and a wad of napkins and a garbage can. He risked his 12 year old life by abandoning the fetal position to stand in front of said garbage can for ten minutes, and spit out what looked like a gallon of blood into the trash.
3. A kid shit his pants during 7th period. Shit. His pants. The kids were in reading pairs when he sidled up to me and handed me a note that had been folded down to the size of a quarter. I get these on occasion from kids with various motives. It's usually a genuine case where a kid has a problem and is embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to know what's up, but sometimes it's just a ploy to get permission to go to the bathroom, which is almost always denied in my classroom, especially to 7th graders. They can't be trusted, and they're only in the class for 50 minutes. They can hold it. Anyway, because this particular folded up note was handed to me by this particularly mischievous child, I suspected it was b.s., and gave him the "I can't believe you think I'm going to buy this" look as I unfolded it. It said, Mrs. DPA, Can I please talk to you outside I have a problem and I'm not playing please I am serious and I am not playing!!! I gestured toward the door, and followed him out there while the others continued about their task of not reading.
What's up?
Um. I was sick last period. I think I have a stomach virus. Can I go call my mom?
It's 7th period. She'll be here in 20 minutes whether you call her or not. Just sit down and tough it out.
No I need to go to the bathroom or call my mom cause see I was sick and I tried to...uh...pass gas, but I think something else came out.
...
You know, came out.
[silently inside my head]: Don't laugh. Do not laugh. Be serious. Don't smile. Clench your jaw. There. Good. Now. Speak.
Just now?
Yeah.
Oh. Well. Go to the bathroom and do what you gotta do.
The kid came back from the bathroom a minute later and waved at me through the window of the door. I stepped back out.
I was right.
Okay. Well. I guess go to the office and tell them to let you stay in there until your mom gets here. I'll call her and I'll call and let them know you're coming.
You mean I gotta tell THEM what happened?
Well, they're gonna want to know why you're sitting..or, uh, standing in the office until the bell.
Awwww Mrs. DPA I can't tell them!
Just go back there baby, I'll take care of it.
Don't let nobody know.
Trust me. I'll take care of it.
Can we just keep this between us, cause this is kinda embarrassing.
My lips are sealed.
You know why teachers put up with what they put up with? Cause there's never a boring minute. Think about it. Is there anything that can't happen to me at work???? Would a person who doesn't savor that fact put up with this kind of crap? (Pun intended.)
I love my job.
1. Tornado warning. Warning. As in "a tornado is on the ground and headed your way-- cover your ass!" Imagine trying to keep 18 seventh graders in the fetal position against a wall for 45 minutes. Most of them weren't taking it seriously and continued to giggle and talk despite my attempts to focus them on the art of not dying, but one kid was really nervous. Poor nervous kid happened to land on the end of the row of bodies, closest to the window, so I sat next to him. I remember being scared out of my mind during storms when I was....wait. I'm still scared during storms. That kind of storm, anyway.
2. A kid lost his tooth during the tornado warning, and it bled profusely. He's a little short guy, a late-bloomer, and he was embarrassed when I asked incredulously, "Is that a baby tooth!?" Oops. My bad. I gave him a bottle of water and a wad of napkins and a garbage can. He risked his 12 year old life by abandoning the fetal position to stand in front of said garbage can for ten minutes, and spit out what looked like a gallon of blood into the trash.
3. A kid shit his pants during 7th period. Shit. His pants. The kids were in reading pairs when he sidled up to me and handed me a note that had been folded down to the size of a quarter. I get these on occasion from kids with various motives. It's usually a genuine case where a kid has a problem and is embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to know what's up, but sometimes it's just a ploy to get permission to go to the bathroom, which is almost always denied in my classroom, especially to 7th graders. They can't be trusted, and they're only in the class for 50 minutes. They can hold it. Anyway, because this particular folded up note was handed to me by this particularly mischievous child, I suspected it was b.s., and gave him the "I can't believe you think I'm going to buy this" look as I unfolded it. It said, Mrs. DPA, Can I please talk to you outside I have a problem and I'm not playing please I am serious and I am not playing!!! I gestured toward the door, and followed him out there while the others continued about their task of not reading.
What's up?
Um. I was sick last period. I think I have a stomach virus. Can I go call my mom?
It's 7th period. She'll be here in 20 minutes whether you call her or not. Just sit down and tough it out.
No I need to go to the bathroom or call my mom cause see I was sick and I tried to...uh...pass gas, but I think something else came out.
...
You know, came out.
[silently inside my head]: Don't laugh. Do not laugh. Be serious. Don't smile. Clench your jaw. There. Good. Now. Speak.
Just now?
Yeah.
Oh. Well. Go to the bathroom and do what you gotta do.
The kid came back from the bathroom a minute later and waved at me through the window of the door. I stepped back out.
I was right.
Okay. Well. I guess go to the office and tell them to let you stay in there until your mom gets here. I'll call her and I'll call and let them know you're coming.
You mean I gotta tell THEM what happened?
Well, they're gonna want to know why you're sitting..or, uh, standing in the office until the bell.
Awwww Mrs. DPA I can't tell them!
Just go back there baby, I'll take care of it.
Don't let nobody know.
Trust me. I'll take care of it.
Can we just keep this between us, cause this is kinda embarrassing.
My lips are sealed.
You know why teachers put up with what they put up with? Cause there's never a boring minute. Think about it. Is there anything that can't happen to me at work???? Would a person who doesn't savor that fact put up with this kind of crap? (Pun intended.)
I love my job.
Labels: teacher life
Poor kid. When I was a teenager, I was sitting on the same pew in church with a little girl that accidentally peed herself. She was from a very poor family, and painfully shy. I felt so sorry for her. I took her to the bathroom so she could attempt to clean herself up.
Had an old black man that came in to pay his light bill once. Afterward, he just stood there for the longest time. We couldn't figure out why he didn't go ahead and leave. After he finally did, we noticed a puddle in the floor. He had stood right there relieved himself, then left it for us to clean up. Never asked to use the bathroom, just trotted his happy little ass out the door after leaving his little deposit.
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:41 PM
Well you've heard about my day as Worst Teacher in the Universe-- when I denied the little boy's bathroom request and he peed himself. God. I hope he's not too scarred. I still say the teacher in his previous class was scheduled to take them, and didn't do it because she never had her shit together.
The old guy must've had kidney or bladder problems or something.
Posted by
Mommy Needs a Xanax |
10:20 PM
Sounds more like a statement of his opinion regarding his electric bill to me.
Posted by
Stewed Hamm |
5:57 AM
Now, THAT'S highly possible. We do get quite a few irate folks, especially in the hottest part of the summer, or the coldest part of the winter. It's a wonder some folks haven't crapped in the floor instead.........
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:06 PM