There's no justice in the world!
If you were to visit my house right now, you'd have a hard time getting in the door because there is a mountain of trash right outside the laundry room, next to the pool table. It's been there for about five days now. It's not stinky trash, mind you-- no turkey carcasses, empty milk jugs, or other sources of stank. Just Christmas paper, boxes, etc. And the reason it's inside the house instead of out in the big trash can is that the big can is full, and the trash doesn't run until tomorrow morning. See, this is what smart people do. Instead of putting the trash out on the ground by the road WHERE THE DOGS CAN GET TO IT, smart people keep it in a safe place-- a garage, a laundry room, or under a pool table-- until closer to time for the garbage to run.
My neighbors are not smart people. Not even close. These freaking idiots piled bags of trash outside of their cans-- and their trash bags did have turkey carcasses in them. Why not just lead the dog to the pile of garbage and stick his nose in it? You may as well. No dog can resist a turkey carcass.
Day before yesterday, all this garbage ended up in our yard. I can't explain to you how great the amount of trash was. We have three acres and it covered a very large portion of our yard. The only reason I didn't shoot someone in the face is because I'm pretty sure it was my dog who did the chewing and spreading and tearing up, if the fact that we saw him running down the street with a 2 liter bottle in his mouth is any clue. Anyway, Tim went out there in the rain and bagged it all up and put it back out by the neighbors' cans. He then took our dog and put him back up, but he got out again and two hours later the trash was right back on the yard. Tim bagged it up again, but not before saying some words I have never heard before. (What's a "shitwig"??) It was five 35 gallon bags full of turkey bones and wrapping paper and broken Christmas ornaments. This time, he put it in the back of our truck so the dog couldn't undo all his work once again. Smart.
But then yesterday morning another neighbor put out more garbage, and guess where that ended up? Right. And this time Tim was at work, so I got the pleasure of picking it up myself. There was also a huge pile in the neighbor's yard, and I went over and picked that up too. Since I'm 99% sure my dog was the one who did it, I figured it would be the neighborly thing to do, even though they are dumbasses for putting it out so early in the first place.
I learned a lot about my neighbors while picking up their trash. More specifically, I learned a lot about their diets. I can't figure out how there's any justice in the world when I am fatter than these people. They live off of Ward's, McDonald's, white bread, peanut butter, canned chili, and gumballs. There was no evidence that they ever consume anything besides fast food and snack food, and I am easily 50 pounds heavier than the heaviest person over there. Bitches.
Once the trash was up (again) I locked the dog up. Not in the regular fence-- in his crate. I'm sure I've mentioned before that we have one of those electric fences that is supposed to shock the dog when he crosses the wire. The fence is working fine; we just have a super determined tough ass dog. Tim even bought an extra receiver and built a special collar that has two extra strength shockers-- both set to "kill"-- and the dog still runs through the fence. The female stays right where she belongs, but the male will not be denied. He was fine until another male dog started roaming the neighborhood, coming into his yard, pissing in his water bowl, etc., and then he decided he had to be free. We haven't been able to keep him up since then.
I don't know what we're going to do. Yesterday I would've taken him to the pound if the back of the truck hadn't been full of trash. Part of me thinks I should load him up and take him today, but another part of me says I should load up the other male dog-- the one who doesn't belong to us but roams freely. His owners are making no effort to keep him locked up.
Shitwigs!
My neighbors are not smart people. Not even close. These freaking idiots piled bags of trash outside of their cans-- and their trash bags did have turkey carcasses in them. Why not just lead the dog to the pile of garbage and stick his nose in it? You may as well. No dog can resist a turkey carcass.
Day before yesterday, all this garbage ended up in our yard. I can't explain to you how great the amount of trash was. We have three acres and it covered a very large portion of our yard. The only reason I didn't shoot someone in the face is because I'm pretty sure it was my dog who did the chewing and spreading and tearing up, if the fact that we saw him running down the street with a 2 liter bottle in his mouth is any clue. Anyway, Tim went out there in the rain and bagged it all up and put it back out by the neighbors' cans. He then took our dog and put him back up, but he got out again and two hours later the trash was right back on the yard. Tim bagged it up again, but not before saying some words I have never heard before. (What's a "shitwig"??) It was five 35 gallon bags full of turkey bones and wrapping paper and broken Christmas ornaments. This time, he put it in the back of our truck so the dog couldn't undo all his work once again. Smart.
But then yesterday morning another neighbor put out more garbage, and guess where that ended up? Right. And this time Tim was at work, so I got the pleasure of picking it up myself. There was also a huge pile in the neighbor's yard, and I went over and picked that up too. Since I'm 99% sure my dog was the one who did it, I figured it would be the neighborly thing to do, even though they are dumbasses for putting it out so early in the first place.
I learned a lot about my neighbors while picking up their trash. More specifically, I learned a lot about their diets. I can't figure out how there's any justice in the world when I am fatter than these people. They live off of Ward's, McDonald's, white bread, peanut butter, canned chili, and gumballs. There was no evidence that they ever consume anything besides fast food and snack food, and I am easily 50 pounds heavier than the heaviest person over there. Bitches.
Once the trash was up (again) I locked the dog up. Not in the regular fence-- in his crate. I'm sure I've mentioned before that we have one of those electric fences that is supposed to shock the dog when he crosses the wire. The fence is working fine; we just have a super determined tough ass dog. Tim even bought an extra receiver and built a special collar that has two extra strength shockers-- both set to "kill"-- and the dog still runs through the fence. The female stays right where she belongs, but the male will not be denied. He was fine until another male dog started roaming the neighborhood, coming into his yard, pissing in his water bowl, etc., and then he decided he had to be free. We haven't been able to keep him up since then.
I don't know what we're going to do. Yesterday I would've taken him to the pound if the back of the truck hadn't been full of trash. Part of me thinks I should load him up and take him today, but another part of me says I should load up the other male dog-- the one who doesn't belong to us but roams freely. His owners are making no effort to keep him locked up.
Shitwigs!
Shitwigs. Good word.
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:25 PM
I concur. I'm stealing it, as of yesterday.
Word Verification: "Slangos" Slang for the the word "slang." (I'm also stealing this one too)
Posted by
Stewed Hamm |
3:26 AM