DeadpanAnn (old blogger version)

Today our students take the Mississippi Science Test. I have to get to work early to either take down or cover up every poster in my room, because a little info on pronouns might apparently help some of them remember what plants use to make energy. During the training session that we had last week, they were spouting out all these rules we have to follow and warning us that the world would absolutely END if a cell phone were to ring during the test.

When they told us to cover up our posters, one of the Spanish teachers asked if she had to do it too. They said yes, because someone might speak Spanish. WHAT?!? They can't speak ENGLISH! Okay, so there are a few Mexican immigrants there who probably speak Spanish, but still. The rest of them know how to say "Fuck your mother" and "I'll have a beer please," and that's the extent of what they've gotten from Spanish class so far. I don't think some info on the capital of Spain is going to help them.

But I get the point. We have to make the environment conducive to testing, which means making it feel really hostile and cold and threatening. Our children freak out on tests anyway because they have no self confidence. They're poor, they're black, they're from uneducated parents, and they constantly hear about how inferior they are because they're poor, black, and from Mississippi. So let's make it worse by A) giving them regular lectures about how they've got to do better and B) putting the pressure on when testing day comes and making it seem like it really matters.

I don't think it does, frankly. Unless you're an administrator or one of the bureaucrats who gets paid to think it means something, it means jack shit. You can't get the truth about what a kid has learned in a year by giving them one test. It's just a process that makes it possible for Hank Bounds to get on Mississippi Public Radio and talk about what we're doing to address our many problems. It's just a process that will generate a number that will be used in other states to talk about how retarded we are.

The harder they try to extract real information out of these tests, the less accurate it becomes. Just my opinion. And of course I don't let that opinion peek its ugly head out in the classroom, because judging how useful the tests are is not my job. It's just my hobby.

I dread the English test. God help us. I'm truly scared. I am already anticipating the first faculty meeting next year when they break out that powerpoint presentation with all the test results. English WILL be the lowest again. And I'll be one of very few English teachers sitting there who was also present this year, because the majority of them are not coming back. (Annnnnnnd the cycle repeats.) It really is the hardest department to work in. Anyway, I'm already planning to sit in the back for that particular meeting. I might even open my mouth and point out that it's hard to teach standard English to kids who don't speak it as their first language. When a child goes to first grade with the vocabulary of a nine month old, you're playing catch up from day one. And that is exactly what happens with kids who don't live in "literary rich" homes. It really sounds funny to them when you make a subject and verb agree. "You is" sounds right to them. "You are" is hard for them to say. It sounds wrong to them.

Back to today's test. I just hope I can administer this test without breaking any major rules in a moment of forgetfulness. And I hope I can make it the full three hours without having to go to the restroom, because it requires an act of Congress if you do have to go. You have to buzz the office, and they have to send an administrator down while you go. I have been a peeing machine for the last week and a half. It was better yesterday, so maybe today it'll be okay.

It should be fine. I didn't even finish my one cup of coffee this morning. It didn't taste the same. Maybe I will develop an aversion to it while I'm pregnant. That would be nice. My mom said the smell of coffee made her queasy while she was pregnant with me.

I think I'm having a girl. Everyone I know who has had a boy said they puked a lot. And everyone who had a girl? Didn't puke much if any. My mom never puked with me or my sister. My sister puked her guts out-- she actually lost 60 pounds while she was pregnant with Ryan. With Olivia she never got sick. They are not the only two people I'm basing my theory on.

Hillbilly Mom, it would be great if you'd tell me you never puked with either of your boys. But you did, didn't ya? Cause they're boys, and boys make you puke.

I haven't puked yet. I know it's early, but I don't even feel pregnant right now. If not for the cramps and sore boobs, I wouldn't have any symptoms. It just feels like my monthly visitor is about to come. As stupid as it sounds, I'd like to puke a few times just to feel pregnant. And to hold out hope that maybe it's a boy. We even have a possible boy name picked out, but have not even talked about girl names. I just don't know how I would handle raising a girl. I'd be a great mom to a boy.

Think blue.