The Old Geezer in the Appliance Department
I've been in need of a new vacuum cleaner for some time now. Ours is on its way out. First it started spitting, then it refused to suck at all. This won't do.
AH doesn't mind spending money on things that he wants, like a motorcycle helmet with flames painted on it, but he's uptight about giving me money for a vacuum. At the same time, we've both been sneezing our heads off. As a matter of fact, it's 2:00 p.m. right now and AH is in bed asleep because he took Benadryl to combat his sneezing. That could be because our carpet got wet during Katrina and stilllllll hasn't been replaced (long story, but if you've been around here a while you've probably heard it anyway) and we're probably breathing mold spores from that. Or it could be because the vacuum cleaner blows and the carpet we do have is covered in dust and cat hair and who knows what else.
Today I was looking at the carpet in the living room and watching AH sneeze, and I decided to put my foot down. "We're getting a new vacuum cleaner, like, today."
"Okay," AH said, no doubt believing I would back off if he ignored me.
I got online and did some quick research to see what would be the best deal. I would love to have one of those Dysons that everyone's raving about, but I'm not spending $500 on a vacuum cleaner in this lifetime. Instead, I came up with the Eureka Boss SmartVac 4870GZ. I announced that I was taking the checkbook and going to Sears to get it, and off I went.
When I got to the appliance department, there was an old couple there looking at a different vacuum cleaner, and the old man was raising hell because nobody was around to help him. He finally said, well above normal speaking volume, "I'm about to pick the summumabitch up and walk out with it, and we'll see if I get someone's attention then!" Two seconds later, a man hopped on over to help the old geezer, explaining that he didn't see him come in.
The old man was impossible to deal with, and while I stood there waiting I contemplated the luck of having walked in right behind this guy, and wondered how long I would have to wait for him to release his grip on the salesman's balls. At least by the time he got done with him, I'd be the dream customer.
First, he was pissed that nobody would help him. Then he got mad because the man told him the vacuum cleaner he wanted was not in stock and had to be ordered. Next, he had to raise hell because he was told that he could not buy the demo off the floor. Finally, the Sears employee offered to go search through the stockroom to make sure there wasn't one available. We never saw him again. A second guy eventually wandered over and asked if he could help me. I ended up having to order mine too, and it'll be here Friday. I'm sure the old people did the same thing, assuming the sales guy ever showed back up from "looking in the stockroom." I worked enough crappy retail jobs to know that when a customer is giving you hell, you offer to go look in the stockroom, spend the next 15 minutes chain smoking, then come back and tell them the same thing you told them before you did them that big favor of going to double check.
I can't wait to get old. I'm going to fart in public, and bitch about everything. I'm going to say things about "the blacks" that aren't quite bad enough to be considered all out racist, but questionable enough to make all the young white people uncomfortable. (That happened to me 3 days ago, by the way. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.) I'm going to tell the whippersnappers how much better things were in my day, and I'm damn sure going to raise hell when I can't get my vacuum cleaner the same day.
Pookie's been particularly evil today. He slept in the laundry room last night, just as I promised he would after pissing on my bed yesterday. This morning I got up and went to free him from his prison. He made his way directly to the bed, and squatted and peed. I have no idea why he did that, but I have a feeling it was pure revenge. If he does it again, he'll be living outside. When he's not pissing on something, he's actually pretty cute. He'll do something adorable, like play with the spring behind the door...
...or curl up and lay down on top of my foot. That's so disarming that I can forget how evil he is. Then he goes and does something like this, and it all comes back to me:
Yeah. If you click on the pic, you can really see the claws digging into the leg and the evil stare. Your blood tastes like ice cream to the Pookie!
AH doesn't mind spending money on things that he wants, like a motorcycle helmet with flames painted on it, but he's uptight about giving me money for a vacuum. At the same time, we've both been sneezing our heads off. As a matter of fact, it's 2:00 p.m. right now and AH is in bed asleep because he took Benadryl to combat his sneezing. That could be because our carpet got wet during Katrina and stilllllll hasn't been replaced (long story, but if you've been around here a while you've probably heard it anyway) and we're probably breathing mold spores from that. Or it could be because the vacuum cleaner blows and the carpet we do have is covered in dust and cat hair and who knows what else.
Today I was looking at the carpet in the living room and watching AH sneeze, and I decided to put my foot down. "We're getting a new vacuum cleaner, like, today."
"Okay," AH said, no doubt believing I would back off if he ignored me.
I got online and did some quick research to see what would be the best deal. I would love to have one of those Dysons that everyone's raving about, but I'm not spending $500 on a vacuum cleaner in this lifetime. Instead, I came up with the Eureka Boss SmartVac 4870GZ. I announced that I was taking the checkbook and going to Sears to get it, and off I went.
When I got to the appliance department, there was an old couple there looking at a different vacuum cleaner, and the old man was raising hell because nobody was around to help him. He finally said, well above normal speaking volume, "I'm about to pick the summumabitch up and walk out with it, and we'll see if I get someone's attention then!" Two seconds later, a man hopped on over to help the old geezer, explaining that he didn't see him come in.
The old man was impossible to deal with, and while I stood there waiting I contemplated the luck of having walked in right behind this guy, and wondered how long I would have to wait for him to release his grip on the salesman's balls. At least by the time he got done with him, I'd be the dream customer.
First, he was pissed that nobody would help him. Then he got mad because the man told him the vacuum cleaner he wanted was not in stock and had to be ordered. Next, he had to raise hell because he was told that he could not buy the demo off the floor. Finally, the Sears employee offered to go search through the stockroom to make sure there wasn't one available. We never saw him again. A second guy eventually wandered over and asked if he could help me. I ended up having to order mine too, and it'll be here Friday. I'm sure the old people did the same thing, assuming the sales guy ever showed back up from "looking in the stockroom." I worked enough crappy retail jobs to know that when a customer is giving you hell, you offer to go look in the stockroom, spend the next 15 minutes chain smoking, then come back and tell them the same thing you told them before you did them that big favor of going to double check.
I can't wait to get old. I'm going to fart in public, and bitch about everything. I'm going to say things about "the blacks" that aren't quite bad enough to be considered all out racist, but questionable enough to make all the young white people uncomfortable. (That happened to me 3 days ago, by the way. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.) I'm going to tell the whippersnappers how much better things were in my day, and I'm damn sure going to raise hell when I can't get my vacuum cleaner the same day.
Pookie's been particularly evil today. He slept in the laundry room last night, just as I promised he would after pissing on my bed yesterday. This morning I got up and went to free him from his prison. He made his way directly to the bed, and squatted and peed. I have no idea why he did that, but I have a feeling it was pure revenge. If he does it again, he'll be living outside. When he's not pissing on something, he's actually pretty cute. He'll do something adorable, like play with the spring behind the door...
...or curl up and lay down on top of my foot. That's so disarming that I can forget how evil he is. Then he goes and does something like this, and it all comes back to me:
Yeah. If you click on the pic, you can really see the claws digging into the leg and the evil stare. Your blood tastes like ice cream to the Pookie!
Try some Nature's Miracle on the pee spot; it smells like a litter spot for him now, so until it no longer smells, he'll try to pee there. You can find it at most pet stores. (I tried a knock-off brand once from the grocery store and it sucked.)
To butcher a saying I've seen here & there, "Do not mess with Pookie, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:42 AM
I recently bought the same vacuum. It kicks dust's ass all over the place... and coming from a guy who doesn't care about vacuums, that's saying something.
It WOULD look cooler with flames painted on it, though. I'mma look into that...
Re Bed-pissing: Christi's right. As long as it smells like cat pee, that's where he's going to feel comfortable doing the deed. This fact is why I no longer bother trying to own bathmats.
Posted by
Stewed Hamm |
6:31 AM
You can find a really good deal on the eureka smartvac at evacuumstore.com
Posted by
Eureka Smartvac |
8:50 AM